Communicating in a Sexless Marriage

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Being able to communicate in a sexless marriage is essential to being able to overcome this lack of intimacy that is causing so much distress and anxiety. However, what communication means to many people is vastly different - and is often not what is required.

To get to the point on this issue let take a look at what good communication is NOT.

  • Communicating is NOT just talking about it
  • Communicating is NOT letting your partner know how you feel about the situation
  • Communicating is NOT just listening to your partner

Now that might sound strange to some. Commutation is not about talking and listening? Sounds very counter intuitive right? Well that is not the entire truth, you have to listen and you have to talk - but HOW you do this is not obvious to most people because they are blinded by their own [personal issue with the sexless marriage. It is also because we learn very poor communication skills for the most part when it comes to solving problems in a win-win kind of way. What you DO need to do is change how you communicate. Here are a few tips to get you started.

  • Listen To The Need Behind The Need - When you try to talk to someone who is resistant or unsure on how to show their true problems (or who might be unaware of it themselves). Instead you must listen to what is not being said, to the reason behind the reason they might give you. This takes careful listening and questioning to draw this out and make sure you are correct.
  • Practice Active Listening - Active listening is a technique where you converse with someone, but do not give your opinions, or ask new questions. All you do is reflect back at them what they have told you about their feelings in your own words. This is difficult to do all the time, but when applied carefully it allows the other person to feel validated and will often simply give more information that they might have if you tried to interject.
  • Never Make it About You - This is crucial. While you might be at your wits end, you have to make this about them not yourself. As soon as you try to put your own emotions and view into the communication about a sexless marriage they will switch off.